[

Current Mood

|

discontent

]

i need to face the truth.
im not over you.

[	Current Mood	|	calm	]
[	Current Music	|	we get on-kate nash	]

Right now Im starting fresh. You can put a strikethrough on EVERY entry Ive posted over the summer up until now. That chapter in my life has officially ended, and I am ready to start a new one. Im throwing out all of my leftover emotions from the relationship, and the break up, and all of my bad friendships, and everything negative, its just gone.
Time to FOCUS on whats important, and that has changed, and now that Ive accepted the change Im getting my priorities straight. GOD, SCHOOL, DANCE, FAMILY, FRIENDS.
:)


Im ready to be happy again.

 

im scared that im not going to stop feeling this empty feeling i have. nothing i do is making this better. i can laugh and pretend to smile, but its an act. im not happy. the truth is i lost my boyfriend, my best friend, the only thing ive been able to call home in a long time. i put my heart and soul into it, and it got crushed. and im not bitter towards him, i love him, a piece of me will always. its so hard though, i want to kiss him, and cuddle with him, but hes gone, out of my life like that. im lonely, and lost, and scared. i feel so pathetic for being so torn up over this and i keep blaming myself even though i know its not all of my fault. i dont know. i just hate how easy this is for him. its so hard for me. school has been rough, and i find myself crying more often then i should. everyones telling me im bigger than this, and i need to move on, but i dont think any of them really get it, i mean sure they might have been through a similar situation, but everything was different with michael. he might not have treated me the best, but despite that i loved him with everything i had, and i didnt care what anyone had to say. he was my boyfriend, and thats all that mattered. i think after i finish this, this will be the last thing i post about this, this will be the last break up rant, i just feel like i have to say it and get it out, i dont know.




im meaningless.
without purpose.
i quit.

[	Current Mood	|	hopeless	]
[	Current Music	|	my beautiful rescue-this providence	]

i dont know how much longer i can pretend that this doesnt hurt, things have been really good lately, but im just starting to think you'll never love me like i love you, and that hurts me, a lot.
:(

[	Current Mood	|	hungry	]
[	Current Music	|	the grey man-copeland	]

I was beginning to forget what it felt like to wake up next to you. Last night was amazing. Im falling in love all over again.


<3<3<3<3<3
Im happy, minus my leg injury. Im so bummed out about that, they dont know whats wrong yet, I have to go back to the doctors, but its either a pinched nerve, or I tore or pulled my hamstring. It doesnt feel nice, but they gave me some motrin, and muscle relaxers, all they really do is make me want to sleep, its all good though.

Today is so mellow, all Ive done is slept, it feels nice. Id like to go get a coffee or something, but oh well.
Im hungry. Ill update this later.

[	Current Mood	|	content	]
[	Current Music	|	no music, tv. the hillllsss.	]

today was the best day we've had in a while. today was the first day i really felt like we were okay. i really hope that we can keep this going, this getting along, this always smiling at eachother thing. i like it better than us both being in bad moods, both not really enjoying being around eachother. today i was the happiest ive been in a long time. i can really tell you want this to work, and im glad. you mean so much to me boy. (:


anyway, so as you all can tell, i had a good day. hung out with michael. went to taco bell and ran into taylor & ryan & GREGGY! it was fun. "you dont know what hostile means?"--taylor "ive seen the movieee!!"--ryan. haha. that made me laugh. "dont you ever just get lost in greggy's eyes?" haha. so michael went to work, and john picked me up around 7, and we went to lindas. then i ran into shanay and jon! chilled with them for a little while, which was definately cool! had some diet coke, and just talked. then i hung out with john, ashley, thomas, and alex! love those kids. i got in a big fight with gabby today, which sucked, but like i dont know, we worked it out i guess. i just dont like being called fake, and shes called me fake like 15 times, if im fake, why is she friends with me? i dont get it, whatevvverr. im so over catty girls, and stupid drama. :l done.


tomorrow michaels coming over again, and then idk what im doing when he leaves for work. im excited to be with him again tomorrow though. things have been amazing. im on call for work tomorrow at 5, hopefully they dont need me, im lazy.
gotta get my nails done someday this week! homecominggggg-6 days!

 

[	Current Mood	|	hot	]
[	Current Music	|	copeland, all day every day.	]

everything was crazy this week.
end of story.
:)
 

[	Current Mood	|	relieved	]
[	Current Music	|	chin up-copeland	]

i just want you to know that you dont have to worry, everything will be okay.





i cant explain what happened today, i keep trying to type but i dont know what to say.
ill try again later.

[	Current Mood	|	bouncy	]
[	Current Music	|	right here-miley cyrus	]

so i dont really appriciate that he has a class with her now. id rather them not be together, if its unnessacary. i just dont trust her, as much i want to, i dont. whatever. so school was terrible today. i woke up REALLY sore, idk from the 4 hours of dance everyday probably, and i needed to shower, so i did that, and i had absolutely NO time to do anything with my hair, or my face, so i just left. i looked fine though i guess. paul said i looked good, it made me smile. people have been complimenting me a lot this weeek? its nice. im learning how to be more confident, without make up and stuff. but anyway, i went to school and i danced in my first two dance classes, but after lunch my shins started to KILL ME. i cried, they hurt so bad. whatever. so i sat out on ballet & modern. after school i came home, and took a MUCH needed nap, and then my mom woke me up, and i went to my first pointe class at my new studio. i love my studio. the people there are really nice. theres a girl in my class named shayna, shes gorrrrgeous, shes 16 and goes to fraser, i definately think we'll be friends. so i decided im taking 4 classes at studio, ballet 3, pointe, jazz, and TAP. im stoked for tap, so much fun!
uhhhhm, so yeah. i hope i start working more, im definately going to need money for my classes. it sucks but i know ill have to pay for most of it. ohh another thing to be excited for this week, IM GETTING A NEW PHONEEEE!!!!! http://www.ebyte.gr/images/uploads/W490.jpg thats the one im getting. my best friend and her LOVELY husband added me to their FAMILY plan!!!!!! yay. it can do some pretty sweet shit. i think itll be here friday or saturday! so ill have a new number and everything. fun.
i hung out with michael monday & tuesday, i dont know if i mentioned that, but the more time i spend with him, the more i fall. its like hes the most amazing person in my life right now, and im not letting go of him! im learning how to trust him more, even though i have a terrible time trusting boys, im just going to hope for the best. our three months is next weeeek!<3 im really excited, i love our anniversaries, i always get him a card, or something silly like vegan chocolate, but he loves it, hopefully.
hmmmmmmmmmm, idk what else.
i have work tomorrow.
no plans for the weekend, we'll see what happens.
i need to work on tori, maybe i should make plans with her, i need to try to trust her, cause i like her, its just..hard. :*( we need to have like, a BIG talk, and we need to do trust exercises, like...where you fall into someones arms and they catch you. lol. something gay like that.
alright, well ill update if something interesting happens.
BTW. IM GOING TO MY FIRST HOMECOMING THIS YEAR! ANCHORRRR BAYYY!
woot.
<3

[	Current Mood	|	depressed	]
[	Current Music	|	nicest thing-kate nash	]

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could still be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you though I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style
I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you'd always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met
I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly coz it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars actually I meant three
I wish that without me you heart would break
Yeah I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
Yeah I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish we could see if we could still be something
Yeah I wish we could see if we could still be something







when we arent together, my world isnt the same. i have revolved my happiness around you.
im just so in love, i cant function properly anymore. i wish he knew what it was like to feel how i feel. love so thick it hurts.
i asked him if he still liked me yesterday, and he got really offended, and i didnt mean to offend him, i just needed to like..make sure. sometimes its hard to know with him because hes confuuusssing. but thats alright.
he has his flaws, and i have mine, but in the end we are TOGETHER, stronger than what you think, stronger than what i know. i just need to trust him, and know hes not going to hurt me.
i saw his ex girlfriend at this fair we went to last night, and i wanted to pounce on her, because she hurt him, and i know thats one of the reasons hes so sheltered with his emotions. stupid slut. >;[


im straighhht up depressed, all ive been doing is sleeping today, im sickkk-ish? badddd allergies. i called into work tonight, it sucks cause i need the money, but i just..couldnt. last night was a lot of fun. i went to HSM to see michael, he did amazing, although he doesnt think that, i know it. we kind of got into a nothing fight afterwards, he was grumpy, whatever. i despise HSM now though, it has completely taken over my boyfriend, in 2 weeks, ill have him back, and we can get back to being focused on whats really really important, us! i mean HSM is important, but thats a different important. fall is going to be amazing with him, its my favvvoorite season, and hes my favorite boy, so thats good. were definately going to the cider mill, and we've been talking about possibly doing a holiday together, like thanksgiving which would be tottttally cute, because i am more than thankful for him, and i looove his family. anyway after the play i slept over jimmys, fun. i didnt get much sleep, im in a lot of pain. too much dance. speaking of i got my pointe shoes today, im nervous about them, but its alright, ill learn, and be fine! i start my pointe class outside of school on wednesday! im excited to dance at a studio again. :)
thats all for right now, i think im going to make myself some tea, and try to feel better.
<3

[	Current Mood	|	uncomfortable	]
[	Current Music	|	demi lovoto-get back	]

when do you fall?
when do you love me back?
when do you feel the sparks i feel?
im confused.


arent we supposed to be past this by now?
:[


my first day of school was pretty ammmmazing...sort of.
schedule:
1st-choreographing / senior project [dance]
2nd-algebra 2
3rd-jazz hop
4th-ballet 2 / pointe!
5th-modern 1/2
6th-acting 3
7th-journalismmm! [for the seond year!]
exciting.
i hope tomorrow is better.

going out to richmond with michael tomorrow after school for his play.
seeing it, then jimmy's picking me up, and im sleeping out there.
fun.
work saturday 7-11.
ill update sunday.
whatever.